20 Commandments of a well-behaved Fangirl

It´s not able anymore to be a big fan in front of others. The best you can do is to show up some kind of distance when speaking about your favorite band or bandmember. If you do not, one day “friends” and other people from the visual kei scene, especially in Europe, start calling you this damn one word, you know you are, but never want to be….FANGIRL.

I am kind of sick of this. I am sick of the bad taste of this word, its meaning , its bad reputation in the eyes of most of the people of the european (in my case the german) visual kei scene. Because no one looks closer at you, no one WANTS to understand the way you think. Because they are calling everyone the same, rather than giving a chance.

Also I am kind of sick about what´s written about me, just because someone starts hating me for any reason. I am a bad Fangirl, a stalker and so on….
Because they think my musicians are my weakest point. But the truth is, they will always be my strongest source of strength no matter how deep the contact would ever be.

Maybe that’s the main reason I want to clean up with all this false meanings.
Because what everyone of this people is calling Fangirl isn´t always the same. I make this experience since a long time. So I want to explain you some rules, which I think are important for being a Fangirl, which makes other fans and artists feeling comfortable.
So I hope the people who got a brain and are able to think about it, the people who have the intelligence to distinguish who is a bad and who is a well-behaved Fangirl, will understand what I mean and what I feel by writing this entry. 

And YES I want to provoke!!! I want all the people who can not deal with the way I am or other Fangirls are, to get a mental slap. Wake up, my dears, even if you can´t or don´t want to believe it. We are not always the Fangirls you think we are and even if you think or want to make others believe we would be, that doesn´t chances the way we are.

And I want to provoke this Fangirls who broke this rules, who behave terribly, who are spreading rumors and lies about musicians without knowing how hard it is for them, how much this hurts…and all this just because they can´t call their beloved musicians their own or just want attention in the scene.

One fact is clear: I AM a fangirl!!! And I am a really proud one. Why? Because I love to be there for my musicians and enjoy their music. Because all the emotions, the Fangirl-moments, when you freak out, feel so alive. And because of this I have clear rules for myself in front of or in connection with the musicians I love and I want to introduce them to you all.

No 1. Faith & Loyalty: We are Fangirls because we are not only female fans. As a Fangirl, you have a special kind of faith, trust and loyalty to your musician, which is deeply rooted in our hearts. To let other people know about it is the main reason why we are called Fangirls. And we don´t change our idols from one week to another!

No 2. Future plans: We know if we want to be good Fangirls, we have to be good to ourselfes and think about our future. So we are hardworking in jobs and studying or making an education. We are not planning to become the housewife of a musician with 6 children and a house and the money of our husband…NO WAY!

No 3. Daily life: We don´t spend our time just by watching every footstep of our favorite musician (even if some twitter functions make this easier xD). But nevertheless they are always in our minds. We are checking twitter and we want to be up to date, but that’s done in a few minutes so we have enough time for important thinks in life like School, Household, meeting friends and family etc.

No 4:  Visiting Concerts: We aren´t visiting a concerts just for being on a concert. We think about it very much:

- How important are the musicians on stage for me?

- Why is he so important for me?

- Do I have a connection to the music?

- Can the concert give me something important? (Feelings, experience etc.)

So you see, we just visit concerts of musicians we really adore (see No 1) or who deserve it to be supported.

No 5: Wonderful music is more important than "Mr. Sex-on-two-legs": Even if the look is very important for a Visual kei band, the music is the most important part of the whole concept. We don´t adore a musician for his good look, because he is hot or very cute. If the music doesn´t touches our hearts, it isn´t what we are searching for.  And just a half naked musician isn´t enough…sorry guys ^^”

No 6: Touching a musician: If the musician wants it, it´s okay. But if not, you don´t have to touch him!!!! It´s an absolute NO GO to do this! In general, he will give you a sign if he wants to be touched or not! So please  be attentive and respectful.

No 7: We are NOT Groupies!!!!!!!! A very huge difference between the Fangirls we are and the Fangirls you all think we would be is, that we are not here to spend a night with our idols. This stupid behavior is reserved for sluts, hookers and groupies. We wouldn´t be good fangirls, if we would do everything to get the attention of our musician. In my case, I prefer to share the bed with the man I love, in a relationship, longer than 6 months. Isn´t it much more wonderful than one-night stands? (I am prudish, I know )

PS: IF you are not a well-behaved fangirl and just on earth to spend one night stands with musicians and be a groupie…take money for it, so that it´s worth doing  it...

No 8: Getting Attention: Another fact you never expected from us is, that we love getting attention from our musicians, but we will not do everything for it!!! We want to be who we are, we never forget this. But we enjoy this few minutes of attention our beloved musician gives us. We enjoy messages we get on Facebook or twitter, we enjoy this seconds on concerts were he is holding our hand or speaks to us. But we don´t need to be the ones who he will remember his whole life. If this happens, than because we put our love in all we do for him. But this doesn´t needs to happen. The little moments are the golden ones for us.

No 9: In front of a beloved musician: We love our idols and we love the time we can spend with them. In front of a musician, we are always smiling, always polite and interacting with him and with other fans. We want to make them feel comfortable in front of us. Also we want to make them realize that they don´t need to take care of themselves and have to bring a distance between themselves and the fans. We want to be the one kind of fans who make them feeling good. Like good friends, just for a moment. This is our highest goal. 

No 10: Fangirling moments: If you now think a well-behaved Fangirl, doesn´t have this talks and moments in which they are fangirling like hell….you are wrong. OF COURSE we are fangirling, we do it a lot, with friends and other Fangirls. we are freaking out, abeout everything, we call them our future husbands, we are talking about how sexy our beloved musicians are. If we see a picture of our idol, of course we are hyping and loving and talking a lot of stuff, a Fangirl is speaking about. But it´s just talking and having a crush on them. The difference is, we don´t take it serious. Fangirling is a very open expression of positive feelings and reactions and not a state of unreality.

No 11: If there is another girl in the life of our Idol: For a bad Fangirl it´s the end of the world if there is another woman or girl in the life of their idol. But WE are happy if he is. Because we know this person isn´t property, and we know it very well. But we want to see him happy and if he is, we are happy, too. And we do what we can to save this relationship. So the Fangirls, you think we are, haven´t got a chance to destroy the luck of our idol. It is his life and his decision, not yours.

No 12: Stupid rumours on websites like Tanuki: We DON`T easily believe rumors we read. If there is one of this stupid bad Fangirls writing to us that our beloved musician is a terrible guy, we are asking for real and very, very good evidences! If there are evidences we have to believe we ask ourselves:

- Is this really important for me?

- Does it change anything?

- And is it something of MY business or the private stuff of my idol?

No 13: From Fangirl to Fangirl: We share our experiences. We have a good time and respect each other. Most important is that we respect each others wishes, longings and individuality, like it should be in the world of visual kei. If another Fangirl gets more attention than we, we celebrate it with this girl and be happy for her. Jealousy is something for stupid little babys. For sure everyone of us is getting kind of jealous, but we are able to deal with it.
Also, we doesn´t try to make other fangirls to the same kind of fan we are. If someone needs longer for getting to know the new band of their favorite Idol, we give them time and space. It isn´t our buisness how fast someone gets to know new bands or bandmember. There is no "being worth to be a fan.". But of course we help as much as we can ♥

No 14: Having (day)dreams about our musician:  A wedding, the moment he is telling you how he feels, a date under stars or just the moment were you earn his respect by standing on stage and sing for him. There are a lot of dreams a Fangirl has. And sometimes it is worth to fight for it. But no matter what it is, we are also realistic and always taking care of not going to far with our dreams and plans in the reality. It´s stupid to expect more from him than he gives you with his music and the way to his heart is not always open and easy to go. So respect him and his wishes and doesn´t make him feel terrible about you just because of your daydreams. He is not responsible for this, it´s all your decision.

No 15: Stalking: Absolutely a NO GO!!!! Take care that you don´t hurt his privacy. Don´t write him 24 hours a day 365 days in a year. It´s okay to let him know sometimes what you feel or give him compliments or some words to push up his self-esteem. I did it a lot of times and will do it, just to make him smile. But not every single day.

 If he is writing something on twitter, mostly he wants a reaction of his fans, so it is okay to answer (Like the wonderful wake ups Nimo-san writes to his fans and friends). But don´t send him long messages every day again about your love. And don´t make him responsible if you feel bad because he doesn´t loves you back or his band is disbanding. It´s stupid to hate the own idol just because he isn´t doing what you want. Don´t loose yourself in crazy reactions and the wish to call him yours. It is what the people who call you stupidly a Fangirl and mean the bad kind of it want to see.  You are a well-behaved fangirl, so you know where the limits are!

No 16: How to deal with people talking bad about you to your idol: I made this experience that a friend  I have lost wrote to my idol that I would be known as a bad stalker and that he has to take care!!!! She just did it because she wanted to hurt and destroy me. But as a good Fangirl he isn´t the main point in my life, so she will not be able to reach this goal. So don´t overreact about such situations. I know it hurts if you trust friends and than they do such idiotic, childish and respectles behavior is what jealous little bad Fangirls (even if she isn´t a Fangirl) do. And this is what every musician knows. The more bad they speak about you the more stupid it is in his eyes. He will just think “oh god how childish and stupid these fangirls are.” So just ignore it and don´t show any reactions on it. If you have the feeling it really goes to far, contact me and I tell you what to do ^.-
More important is, not to do what they do just because you are angry. You are not the Fangirl people want you to be, you are well-behaved. 

No 17: Independent Woman: Not only rule 2 and 3 are important. No matter what happens in connection with you and your favorite musicians. You are independent from him and you live your own life and also you are responsible for yourself, for everything you do. And every Fangirl of you isn´t a stupid little girl which needs the commands of your idol. We know very well what we want, we are proud of us to be a Fangirl, to be able to support and to be independent at the same time. So don´t look at the type of girl he likes or special thinks he wants to see on a woman. You are who you are and if you are not what he is searching for, don´t change to someone you aren´t. It is good the way it is. 

No 18: Private talk, dates etc. : Take care of if this should really become true. If I learned something than it is, that it´s better to shut up. Bad Fangirls decorate themselves with the reached goal and talking about the little secrets of the musicians, stuff like his real name or the place he lives. This is dangerous for the musician and of course disappointing for him. It´s something between you and him and no one should know. Not even your best friend. Discretion is the most important when it´s about having contact with a musician.  Look at rule 16 what could happen. It is how it is, in connecting with a musician you can trust noone. And if you got angry about him, don´t be so malicious and use the time you spend with him as a weapon against him. This is what stupid little bad Fangirls are doing. 

No 19: Musicians aren´t Gods, but they are fascinating humans: It´s difficult not to think about your own idol like he is a God and of course when we start fangirling it always looks like we forget, that this people are human. But we know this very well, don´t worry. We know musicians are human not gods. This is what makes them fascinating, the fact that a human can create such wonderful music.

 No 20: If you have the feeling, people think you are a bad fangirl: It´s mostly the only definition they know about Fangirls, like I told in the beginning, there is a bad taste by speaking out this word. So Stay cool, keep calm and try to explain them the rules. If they don´t believe you and if they really don´t want to recognize that there is not only just the bad kind of Fangirl…let them go. What you need in your life are true friends, people who try to understand you, people you can trust. And someone who isn´t willing to see who you really are isn´t worth it. Because you know who you are better than anyone else, so no one else can tell them your true fangirl site.


You see there are a lot of differences between a well-behaved Fangirl and this kind of Fangirl everyone thinks we are. If you are a Fangirl I hope you know now, if you are good or bad. And maybe you think about what you want to reach, what is good for you and what is good for your idols and beloved musician. 

For all girls who are like me. Don´t hide anymore and show up who you are to everyone who think wrong about you. Let´s show fans and musicians that the world has changed for a long time and not every change is bad.

Even if we can not easily change the fact, that people call us “Fangirls”, we can use it for us. Call us Fangirls, but only WE have to decide who we are.
That´s all I have to say.  ^.^

With love to the world of music,

Kimie (君恵)