Before I start to end this year, I promise to finish my Emotion-Reports about the G.L.A.M.S Concert @ Contopia and the Satsuki concert this month. The reasons why I couldn´t finish them is, that this year was stressful like hell.
I was not motivated since the announcement of the disbanding of Anonymous Confederate Ensemble. This demotivation stayed until now. Just a little light of hope, made of Nimos voice and his endless hart working will saved me from not giving up on myself.
I had a Bachelorthesis to end, searching a new Flatmate, taking care of my old flatmate and helping her over her broken heart, calculate the money, getting good marks for the Master of Science application and then...in the weakest, most emotional und most unstable condition I had to deal with the stubborn behaviour of people who I called friends, who I trusted, who I believed in.
I had to learn to break up, to go on alone...this year was full of break ups and dissappointing experiences.
At least I´ve realized, that you can not trust people as easiely as I thought and you can not give them more than one chance. And I´ve realized that it is better to be quite and patient than loud and angry.
This year was so full of dissapointing people, that I nearly loose my trust in the human beings...but than..there are always some wonderful musicians I want to thank a lot this year, because they brought back the trust in humans:
My Year started with an exhibition in Paris. I went to Paris the first time after 20 years or so, so I was excited. But more thrilling than this town, was the exhibition. Spending a day together with a japanese musician, surrounded by his Art, was breathtaking. The first time in my life I had the chance to watch a musician for a long time. Again, when I thought about watching him the hole day, I feel excited. It was like studing something you really want to get to know closer. And really, I still want to find out what´s the difference between a normal people and a musician like him. Mikaru-sama was completely different than I expected. He tried so carefully to come closer to me, because I am extremely shy in front of musicians and tried to hide myself behind a friend. How easy he could make me loosing my fear.
His close friend Tetsuto-sama, is such a heartwarming person. We all enjoyed very much spending time with him and Mikaru-sama.
When I meet both again at Contopia (Emotion-Report will follow as I have time) I also was getting to know Syu-sama for the first time. Do you know the saying "all good thinks are 3?" In the case of G.L.A.M.S it is really true. Syu-sama was the last puzzle to complete this project. He is a sunshine! A little bit shy maybe, but you can see him shining on stage, like the sun on a beautiful morning. He is one of the musicians I can easily talk to, I don´t know why ♥
One day before I met Mikaru-sama and friends again, I finally, after 3 years, met my musicial father, the Master of Music, again. When Kamijo-sama announced that he will gave a concert in Paris I was happy on two ways. First, I can visit the most lovely town in Europe again. My beloved Paris, I was crying when I had to leave you in february. Second, I could see the man again, who cleaned my soul and let it grow to a beautiful flower. It´s hart to describe in words, how it feels to stand in front of him. It´s like you were 4 years old and your father was on a long journey, and after a long time he comes back, to take you in his arm and told you, that everything is fine now. And really, Kamijo-sama changed a lot. From the proud, young Prince, looking down from his castle, to a lovely man, with a warm heart, looking at us like a father on his beloved children. He stayed proud, but in another way. I love his warm and loving site, the way he looks at me. I was standing there, shy, speachless, full of fear to make a mistake in front of a man, I wish I could really be his daugther. At first it was just, because I would like to work for Sherow Artist Society, I want to work for him, be a musician in his hands, because I trust him, blind. But especially on this one day he was, even just by his music, a father like I wish I really had. If you have one biological and 2 stepfathers, you dosen´t care about genetical or social factors. Especially if after christmas you had the feeling that your biological father wants to manipulate you again, to hate your mother and your first stepfather just tries to get her back with your help. Yes, I met my best friend and what I just told her was "Is Kamijo-sama the only one who treats me like a daugther this year?". And yes, just with the help of his music and his charisma.
he gives me the emotional power I needed in the 2nd part of this year. Now I will meet him again in 2015. I am glad about seeing him again so soon, because I miss him, I need a new portion of emotional power and I just want to spend one evening more with my father, even if I cry the hole night.
At least, because of him, I could make a decision, which I don´t regret. For more than one year, my heart was just a chaos of emotions. i tried to love in a way, everyone would be okay with. Than, kamijo-sama released his first Minialbum and than his album "Heart". The music cleaned not only my soul, but my heart, too. So I exactly know now how and what I feel and what to do with it.
Sure, 82,6% of the people will disapprove this, if they would know, because this is what everyone would do. But I don´t regret anything. Call me crazy, but I made my desicion and I am happy with it.
My heart is closed now, for every man who tries to make me loving him and only one special clef can open it again.
Than, there was my only hope on earth and even if we couldn´t meet, he did a lot for me this year. I remember, that I had to work on the 29th of April this year. I didn´t wanted to, but I need the money. And on every breake I had, I was watching his tweets and blogentries and tried not to cry. The day of the last concert of Anonymous Confederate Ensemble was so unrealistic and destroying, that I just layed down on the ground of my room, after work. I had to smile the hole day, even if it was hart, so I lost all my energy at the end of this day. This was one of the most terrible days of the year.
But after that, he stayed. He was there, like nothing happened. I could read the "Nimornings" I loved so much every morning. Nimo-sama was the one this year who teached me, to give everything, but never give up. So I was happy, every single day, I could read something from him. Watching him, announcing lives and events, motivated me every day to stand up, no matter how hart it was. Next to Kamijo-sama, he is always the emotional support I needed, like the air to breath. Nimo-sama is very different from all the musicians. Even if he is the god of rain, he is also the sunshine in my life. He is, like Kamijo-sama, what I need to grow to a wonderful and strong flower. But also, i never saw a musician like him and it isn´t possible describe how it feels to listen to his voice, no matter if he is speaking or singing.
Maybe you couldn´t imagine, but I think my musicial Father (Kamijo-sama) and my big brother (Nimo-sama) are on a weird way similar to each other. Harrtworking, not to be beaten, passionate and charismatic. When he announced the release of his Album in March 2015, my heart skipped a beat, so much that I had the feeling to faint. I really needed an hour to realize it. It was one of the best christmaspresents this year. Hopefully I get the chance to give him something back in 2015.
I know he maybe doesn´t know how important he was for me this year and I know the chance, that he reads this entry is small. But I would like to thank you the most, this year, Nimo-sama. Because you teached me how to fight, you showed me what I have to do, to live a good life where I regret nothing. You are always patient, lovely and friendly when I have my fangirling moments and you give me a reason to get up every morning. This year I lost a lot and I was very close to moments, where I could loose more than I want. It was you who saved me in this moments. I don´t know how you make it, maybe it´s a little bit the fault of my own. But if it´s so, it´s just because of the music you created in 4 years and the way you go on. It´s a clef to my own emotional power, I needed to survive this year. So, Thank you very much!!!
And thank you to my friends, from the Tea-to-go-Party, to support me!!! What would I do without you in Hamburg and in Paris in February! ;^;
Thank you to my best friend Christin, that you love me, how I am since 15 years! I can´t wait to celebrate the new year with you, honey ♥
And thank you to Cathy, for this wonderful time with you in Paris and the tiem we spend for organising everything ♥
Just, thank you all, for helping me this year: Miriam, Kitty, Kevin, Tama...you ALL!!! I love you ♥
And Thank you to the persons who treated me wrong. For this experiences. You don´t know how much stronger I am now!
Lovely greetings,
Kimie
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