20 Commandments of a well-behaved Fangirl

It´s not able anymore to be a big fan in front of others. The best you can do is to show up some kind of distance when speaking about your favorite band or bandmember. If you do not, one day “friends” and other people from the visual kei scene, especially in Europe, start calling you this damn one word, you know you are, but never want to be….FANGIRL.

I am kind of sick of this. I am sick of the bad taste of this word, its meaning , its bad reputation in the eyes of most of the people of the european (in my case the german) visual kei scene. Because no one looks closer at you, no one WANTS to understand the way you think. Because they are calling everyone the same, rather than giving a chance.

Also I am kind of sick about what´s written about me, just because someone starts hating me for any reason. I am a bad Fangirl, a stalker and so on….
Because they think my musicians are my weakest point. But the truth is, they will always be my strongest source of strength no matter how deep the contact would ever be.

Maybe that’s the main reason I want to clean up with all this false meanings.
Because what everyone of this people is calling Fangirl isn´t always the same. I make this experience since a long time. So I want to explain you some rules, which I think are important for being a Fangirl, which makes other fans and artists feeling comfortable.
So I hope the people who got a brain and are able to think about it, the people who have the intelligence to distinguish who is a bad and who is a well-behaved Fangirl, will understand what I mean and what I feel by writing this entry. 

And YES I want to provoke!!! I want all the people who can not deal with the way I am or other Fangirls are, to get a mental slap. Wake up, my dears, even if you can´t or don´t want to believe it. We are not always the Fangirls you think we are and even if you think or want to make others believe we would be, that doesn´t chances the way we are.

And I want to provoke this Fangirls who broke this rules, who behave terribly, who are spreading rumors and lies about musicians without knowing how hard it is for them, how much this hurts…and all this just because they can´t call their beloved musicians their own or just want attention in the scene.

One fact is clear: I AM a fangirl!!! And I am a really proud one. Why? Because I love to be there for my musicians and enjoy their music. Because all the emotions, the Fangirl-moments, when you freak out, feel so alive. And because of this I have clear rules for myself in front of or in connection with the musicians I love and I want to introduce them to you all.

No 1. Faith & Loyalty: We are Fangirls because we are not only female fans. As a Fangirl, you have a special kind of faith, trust and loyalty to your musician, which is deeply rooted in our hearts. To let other people know about it is the main reason why we are called Fangirls. And we don´t change our idols from one week to another!

No 2. Future plans: We know if we want to be good Fangirls, we have to be good to ourselfes and think about our future. So we are hardworking in jobs and studying or making an education. We are not planning to become the housewife of a musician with 6 children and a house and the money of our husband…NO WAY!

No 3. Daily life: We don´t spend our time just by watching every footstep of our favorite musician (even if some twitter functions make this easier xD). But nevertheless they are always in our minds. We are checking twitter and we want to be up to date, but that’s done in a few minutes so we have enough time for important thinks in life like School, Household, meeting friends and family etc.

No 4:  Visiting Concerts: We aren´t visiting a concerts just for being on a concert. We think about it very much:

- How important are the musicians on stage for me?

- Why is he so important for me?

- Do I have a connection to the music?

- Can the concert give me something important? (Feelings, experience etc.)

So you see, we just visit concerts of musicians we really adore (see No 1) or who deserve it to be supported.

No 5: Wonderful music is more important than "Mr. Sex-on-two-legs": Even if the look is very important for a Visual kei band, the music is the most important part of the whole concept. We don´t adore a musician for his good look, because he is hot or very cute. If the music doesn´t touches our hearts, it isn´t what we are searching for.  And just a half naked musician isn´t enough…sorry guys ^^”

No 6: Touching a musician: If the musician wants it, it´s okay. But if not, you don´t have to touch him!!!! It´s an absolute NO GO to do this! In general, he will give you a sign if he wants to be touched or not! So please  be attentive and respectful.

No 7: We are NOT Groupies!!!!!!!! A very huge difference between the Fangirls we are and the Fangirls you all think we would be is, that we are not here to spend a night with our idols. This stupid behavior is reserved for sluts, hookers and groupies. We wouldn´t be good fangirls, if we would do everything to get the attention of our musician. In my case, I prefer to share the bed with the man I love, in a relationship, longer than 6 months. Isn´t it much more wonderful than one-night stands? (I am prudish, I know )

PS: IF you are not a well-behaved fangirl and just on earth to spend one night stands with musicians and be a groupie…take money for it, so that it´s worth doing  it...

No 8: Getting Attention: Another fact you never expected from us is, that we love getting attention from our musicians, but we will not do everything for it!!! We want to be who we are, we never forget this. But we enjoy this few minutes of attention our beloved musician gives us. We enjoy messages we get on Facebook or twitter, we enjoy this seconds on concerts were he is holding our hand or speaks to us. But we don´t need to be the ones who he will remember his whole life. If this happens, than because we put our love in all we do for him. But this doesn´t needs to happen. The little moments are the golden ones for us.

No 9: In front of a beloved musician: We love our idols and we love the time we can spend with them. In front of a musician, we are always smiling, always polite and interacting with him and with other fans. We want to make them feel comfortable in front of us. Also we want to make them realize that they don´t need to take care of themselves and have to bring a distance between themselves and the fans. We want to be the one kind of fans who make them feeling good. Like good friends, just for a moment. This is our highest goal. 

No 10: Fangirling moments: If you now think a well-behaved Fangirl, doesn´t have this talks and moments in which they are fangirling like hell….you are wrong. OF COURSE we are fangirling, we do it a lot, with friends and other Fangirls. we are freaking out, abeout everything, we call them our future husbands, we are talking about how sexy our beloved musicians are. If we see a picture of our idol, of course we are hyping and loving and talking a lot of stuff, a Fangirl is speaking about. But it´s just talking and having a crush on them. The difference is, we don´t take it serious. Fangirling is a very open expression of positive feelings and reactions and not a state of unreality.

No 11: If there is another girl in the life of our Idol: For a bad Fangirl it´s the end of the world if there is another woman or girl in the life of their idol. But WE are happy if he is. Because we know this person isn´t property, and we know it very well. But we want to see him happy and if he is, we are happy, too. And we do what we can to save this relationship. So the Fangirls, you think we are, haven´t got a chance to destroy the luck of our idol. It is his life and his decision, not yours.

No 12: Stupid rumours on websites like Tanuki: We DON`T easily believe rumors we read. If there is one of this stupid bad Fangirls writing to us that our beloved musician is a terrible guy, we are asking for real and very, very good evidences! If there are evidences we have to believe we ask ourselves:

- Is this really important for me?

- Does it change anything?

- And is it something of MY business or the private stuff of my idol?

No 13: From Fangirl to Fangirl: We share our experiences. We have a good time and respect each other. Most important is that we respect each others wishes, longings and individuality, like it should be in the world of visual kei. If another Fangirl gets more attention than we, we celebrate it with this girl and be happy for her. Jealousy is something for stupid little babys. For sure everyone of us is getting kind of jealous, but we are able to deal with it.
Also, we doesn´t try to make other fangirls to the same kind of fan we are. If someone needs longer for getting to know the new band of their favorite Idol, we give them time and space. It isn´t our buisness how fast someone gets to know new bands or bandmember. There is no "being worth to be a fan.". But of course we help as much as we can ♥

No 14: Having (day)dreams about our musician:  A wedding, the moment he is telling you how he feels, a date under stars or just the moment were you earn his respect by standing on stage and sing for him. There are a lot of dreams a Fangirl has. And sometimes it is worth to fight for it. But no matter what it is, we are also realistic and always taking care of not going to far with our dreams and plans in the reality. It´s stupid to expect more from him than he gives you with his music and the way to his heart is not always open and easy to go. So respect him and his wishes and doesn´t make him feel terrible about you just because of your daydreams. He is not responsible for this, it´s all your decision.

No 15: Stalking: Absolutely a NO GO!!!! Take care that you don´t hurt his privacy. Don´t write him 24 hours a day 365 days in a year. It´s okay to let him know sometimes what you feel or give him compliments or some words to push up his self-esteem. I did it a lot of times and will do it, just to make him smile. But not every single day.

 If he is writing something on twitter, mostly he wants a reaction of his fans, so it is okay to answer (Like the wonderful wake ups Nimo-san writes to his fans and friends). But don´t send him long messages every day again about your love. And don´t make him responsible if you feel bad because he doesn´t loves you back or his band is disbanding. It´s stupid to hate the own idol just because he isn´t doing what you want. Don´t loose yourself in crazy reactions and the wish to call him yours. It is what the people who call you stupidly a Fangirl and mean the bad kind of it want to see.  You are a well-behaved fangirl, so you know where the limits are!

No 16: How to deal with people talking bad about you to your idol: I made this experience that a friend  I have lost wrote to my idol that I would be known as a bad stalker and that he has to take care!!!! She just did it because she wanted to hurt and destroy me. But as a good Fangirl he isn´t the main point in my life, so she will not be able to reach this goal. So don´t overreact about such situations. I know it hurts if you trust friends and than they do such idiotic, childish and respectles behavior is what jealous little bad Fangirls (even if she isn´t a Fangirl) do. And this is what every musician knows. The more bad they speak about you the more stupid it is in his eyes. He will just think “oh god how childish and stupid these fangirls are.” So just ignore it and don´t show any reactions on it. If you have the feeling it really goes to far, contact me and I tell you what to do ^.-
More important is, not to do what they do just because you are angry. You are not the Fangirl people want you to be, you are well-behaved. 

No 17: Independent Woman: Not only rule 2 and 3 are important. No matter what happens in connection with you and your favorite musicians. You are independent from him and you live your own life and also you are responsible for yourself, for everything you do. And every Fangirl of you isn´t a stupid little girl which needs the commands of your idol. We know very well what we want, we are proud of us to be a Fangirl, to be able to support and to be independent at the same time. So don´t look at the type of girl he likes or special thinks he wants to see on a woman. You are who you are and if you are not what he is searching for, don´t change to someone you aren´t. It is good the way it is. 

No 18: Private talk, dates etc. : Take care of if this should really become true. If I learned something than it is, that it´s better to shut up. Bad Fangirls decorate themselves with the reached goal and talking about the little secrets of the musicians, stuff like his real name or the place he lives. This is dangerous for the musician and of course disappointing for him. It´s something between you and him and no one should know. Not even your best friend. Discretion is the most important when it´s about having contact with a musician.  Look at rule 16 what could happen. It is how it is, in connecting with a musician you can trust noone. And if you got angry about him, don´t be so malicious and use the time you spend with him as a weapon against him. This is what stupid little bad Fangirls are doing. 

No 19: Musicians aren´t Gods, but they are fascinating humans: It´s difficult not to think about your own idol like he is a God and of course when we start fangirling it always looks like we forget, that this people are human. But we know this very well, don´t worry. We know musicians are human not gods. This is what makes them fascinating, the fact that a human can create such wonderful music.

 No 20: If you have the feeling, people think you are a bad fangirl: It´s mostly the only definition they know about Fangirls, like I told in the beginning, there is a bad taste by speaking out this word. So Stay cool, keep calm and try to explain them the rules. If they don´t believe you and if they really don´t want to recognize that there is not only just the bad kind of Fangirl…let them go. What you need in your life are true friends, people who try to understand you, people you can trust. And someone who isn´t willing to see who you really are isn´t worth it. Because you know who you are better than anyone else, so no one else can tell them your true fangirl site.


You see there are a lot of differences between a well-behaved Fangirl and this kind of Fangirl everyone thinks we are. If you are a Fangirl I hope you know now, if you are good or bad. And maybe you think about what you want to reach, what is good for you and what is good for your idols and beloved musician. 

For all girls who are like me. Don´t hide anymore and show up who you are to everyone who think wrong about you. Let´s show fans and musicians that the world has changed for a long time and not every change is bad.

Even if we can not easily change the fact, that people call us “Fangirls”, we can use it for us. Call us Fangirls, but only WE have to decide who we are.
That´s all I have to say.  ^.^

With love to the world of music,

Kimie (君恵)

About Nimo´s First Solo Album ~ Rhapsodia ~ Dolce vita ~

That will be my first Album review I will write. The main reason for this review is, that I can´t keep anything short concerning Rhapsodia ~ dolce vita ~. A 140 signs long sentence at Twitter isn´t possible to express my thoughts and feelings about this album.
Also, I want to make the once curious about Nimo´s first solo Album, who will read the review and haven´t recognized yet, that he released a solo album.

It will be more a long feedback with a lot of personal meanings and experiences I made by listening the album, than a clear structured, professional review. So thank you for taking the time to read it.
And to Nimo: Forgive me that I needed so long for my feedback and I hope my review gives a little bit of the joy back to you, which I feel by listening to your Album.

To tell the truth, I was to curious for just counting days and waiting for the Album. So I was searching for the original songs on youtube. I tried to imagine how the songs would sound with his voice. Sometimes I thought: "How will he want to sing this?" because some of the songs are from female singers and had some high notes, which sound difficult. A week later I saw the prelistening Video on youtube and was impressed by the way he is singing. All notes aren´t a problem. He seems to take them as easily as he would have a smalltalk. By listening to the songs I always have to think about, what my vocalcoach always tried to teach me:
You can sing a song in a different way. The most singers learn at first to sing the right notes. But that´s not all. You can play with the notes, give them a character, a soul, a feeling. This is the way you can express feelings in a song so impressiv, that noone needs to understand the hole lyrics. I can tell you from my experiences that this kind of singing is everything else, but not easy.

You find exactly this kind of singing in every single song, the way he sings the notes, the feelings he´s putting into it. The music becomes alive and emotional. Most important is, that you feel that Nimo made experiences with the songs. There are memories, feelings he is connecting with every single song. It´s so enjoyable to listen to his playful voice and just daydreaming about, what could be behind the songs and behind the man who is singing. I can imagine how much fun he had while recording, even if it´s a lot of hard work. Sometimes it is like you can hear him smiling, so I also start to smile and feel very happy wihtout a reason.

I also found a new piece which completes the puzzle of my life a little bit more. Something was missing, something which makes me realize how wonderful and satisfying the daily life can be. Since last year I was working a lot and so the days went by without noticing how good my life is, with all it´s little gifts. Since I could listening to the full album it seems to be better now. His voice is calming and at the same time it brings out what I really am and really want to be: A cheerful little girl, always curious about everything around her and smiling 24 hours a day nearly 365 days in a year. The album is perfect for the small enjoyable situations. For example, I can´t wait to have breakfast at the window ledge on a warm sunday morning, drinking tea and watching the birds and my little squirrel family in the trees. Also falling asleep with the songs is an incredible happiness, as well as waking up with them every morning. Doing the household was also a lot of fun while listening. Everything is so easy now and every single thing, like the spring flowers on my way back home, are much more beautiful since the album is released. That´s how I feel, in a short way, just to let you know what could happen to you, too. And I really wish you, that you will feel the same way.

Followers and friends of mine for sure have seen my tweets, counting days, buying chocolate to deal with my impatience (by the way, half of the chocolate bars are still alive!!! x´D ) and waiting like a child for christmas. If I had known that Nimo would exceed my expectations so much, I think I can not imagine how cruel waiting would became. Because I really haven´t expect that he became so much better since the last song I´ve listened from him. There is a big difference between the songs from Anonymous Confedereate Ensemble and his solo Album. A very positive difference and I am glad that his voice is becoming so much better. He´s very talented and seems to be a charismatic and positive man, that´s what I was getting to know about him the last years. The solo album is underlining this kind of personality very well. Opening the Album you see him, sitting on the floor with this incredible handsome smile. It´s one of the most beautiful pictures I know from him. I am sure everyone is smiling by seeing it. The Hole CD Cover has wonderful pictures, made in a warm and homely atmosphere. Music and design of the CD Cover are harmonizing perfectly.
"Perfect" is the right word for the hole Album, I think. Even if we always say, that nobody is perfect, sometimes it feels like it is and that´s the case with these Album.

Nimo deserves all my biggest support and deepest respect for who he is and what he creates.
Also I am very thankful for all the people who support him, hearties and musicians. He is really worth it to believe in him. I never heard such a beautiful, heartwarming and unique voice, so it´s one of the biggest treasures I know.

I hope in the end I could give a good feedback and make some of you curious about Rhapsodia ~ Dolce Vita ~.

If you want to take a try and listen to the Songs, here is the Prelistening Video:
Nimo "Rhapsodia ~ Dolce Vita ~"

With Love,

Kimie

5th July: G.L.A.M.S @ Contopia /Germany

Sorry, that I needed so long to get the motivation to write. The university and some other problems I had to solve needed a lot of time. For the persons who doesn´t know. This isn´t a normal review.
I am writing down the emotions I have while visiting the concert. I like it to show what was going on with me. I think that´s important for everyone, the musicians, the fans and potential new fans.

So let us go back to the 5ths July 2014, the day where we went from Paris to Dortmund. I was more than 30 hours awake when we arrived at the Convention called Contopia, so I was terrible tired the hole time. But when the concert started all the fatigue of the last day was gone. Mikaru has the talent, no matter how tired I am, to wake me up. The music was changing between being in love and dreaming yearningly from the one and only person, to being cheerful, free and full of self-esteem, with a little pinch of longing for someone and being sure to get this person.
  
The strongest feelings I had are definitely conected with three songs of the concert: Under the moon, 12:00 am and glad eye (A song from Black line). Maybe because July became the most emotional month for me in the last 4 years. Everything this songs describe happened in July. And than there is this reason, why I visited the concert. G.L.A.M.S are not scared of showing their feelings and made merciless real, what I better want to crowd out.  But that is what I always want. Someone who frees my feelings even if it´s against my will. 

Thinking back of it, I really miss the sweet pain, the longing for my love and the breathtaking heartbeat by watching Mikaru and having the feeling, like he would know very well what´s going on with me. And than the relief when songs like the light of my life and Wanderer were played and you realize your friends around yourself and suddenly your love feels good, even if you miss him. It´s a free decision if or who you love or not. And I enjoy this kind of freedom more than before.
Since visiting the concert, this up-and-down of feelings became normal, because I accepted it.

A very special moment was also the solo of Syu. He isn´t only a smart man, he also has a talent for fascinating fans with his strong, but also emotional personality. His power while doing the solo part was breathtaking and we had a lot of fun just to let us go and follow him. Just the smell of Platinum egoiste let me wake up from the hypnotic atmosphere and realizing Tetsuto and Mikaru in the crowd of fans. It was such a good feeling, to be so close to them, far away from rules of the music business. What a wonderful moment of becoming one in the music of Syu and his powerful charisma. 

We had also a short, but wonderful meeting with the band. I was very happy to see, how good they could remember the time we spend in Paris in February. And I was very proud of myself. I was able to speak some words (in english)!!! Maybe because it is so easy for me to show my different sites of my personality. It seems to be no problem for the band that I am often changing from a young woman to a 4 years old little girl who wants to play with her uncles (that´s what I call them lovely ♥ ). Not at the Contopia and not in Paris. I am very thankful for this. They gave me the feeling, that I am who I am and I can show it whenever I like.

It was a wonderful day and It was worth it, staying awake more than 50 hours. So I hope the next concert of G.L.A.M.S will follow soon.

There is just one thing left I really have to say:
As a female singer it is extremely difficult to concentrate on the lyrics while watching Mikarus perfect body!!!!!
I think everybody agrees? Yes? Okay, than, good night and sweet dreams ♥ ^.~


With love,

Kimie 

On a snowy Winter day...

On a snowy winter day, I ask myself where you might be. And suddenly everything else is loosing it´s importants.
Where do you go, when you leave me? Why don´t you just take me with you, like you did so many times? 

I am just praying that the snow will melt and the memories of a snowy night will dissapear.
And on every snowy day I pray that clouds will hide the moon, so I know it´s not a night like this one which I painful remember.

Even if you came back, even if you promised that you will never leave me alone, I can´t hide the tears when the world is turning white. No matter what I do, I can not forget his one night. It was just a realistic dream, with a song which played endless and I didn´t know where the melody came from. And than, there were you, but you disappeared while we danced on a snowy field, where just the moon was watching us. You haven´t said a word, no goodbye, no "wait for me", no goodbye kiss...you just disappeared and I was alone, not knowing how to find back home.

When I woke up, I cried and watched the ring you gave me, for hours and couldn´t fall asleep again. Do you know, that I am wearing this ring since 12 years? How couldn´t you know. We met so many times after you gave it to me. It´s the only hope I have: That you remember me, that you remember the ring and the Person I dreamed of turned real. Finally, after so many years in which you tooke care of me.

And I believe I found you. Something inside of me tells me that it´s you, the man I met years ago. But I am not alble to trust this feelings on days like this, where the snow is covering the life like a cold shroud. To strong is the fear to realize, that I haven´t found you. To start searching again, not knowing if you stay a dream forever. But I will protect him, support him, so he has got always someone by his side and is never alone, no matter what happens. Because he gives you a voice, a face, all this what I couldn´t remember after waking up.
He is so similar to you, so I am sure you like him, right?

But not even his voice can make the memories disappear. So I am sitting here, watching the snow falling from the sky. The only consolation is a smooth and warm feeling around my neck and my shoulders, like a lovely hug.
It´s you who is holding me in your arms on this snowy winter day.

with love,

Kimie



see also: Moonlight     
 

Adieu 2014

Before I start to end this year, I promise to finish my Emotion-Reports about the G.L.A.M.S Concert @ Contopia and the Satsuki concert this month. The reasons why I couldn´t finish them is, that this year was stressful like hell.

I was not motivated since the announcement of the disbanding of Anonymous Confederate Ensemble. This demotivation stayed until now. Just a little light of hope, made of Nimos voice and his endless hart working will saved me from not giving up on myself.

I had a Bachelorthesis to end, searching a new Flatmate, taking care of my old flatmate and helping her over her broken heart, calculate the money, getting good marks for the Master of Science application and then...in the weakest, most emotional und most unstable condition I had to deal with the stubborn behaviour of people who I called friends, who I trusted, who I believed in.

I had to learn to break up, to go on alone...this year was full of break ups and dissappointing experiences.
At least I´ve realized, that you can not trust people as easiely as I thought and you can not give them more than one chance. And I´ve realized that it is better to be quite and patient than loud and angry.
This year was so full of dissapointing people, that I nearly loose my trust in the human beings...but than..there are always some wonderful musicians I want to thank a lot this year, because they brought back the trust in humans:

My Year started with an exhibition in Paris. I went to Paris the first time after 20 years or so, so I was excited. But more thrilling than this town, was the exhibition. Spending a day together with a japanese musician, surrounded by his Art, was breathtaking. The first time in my life I had the chance to watch a musician for a long time. Again, when I thought about watching him the hole day, I feel excited. It was like studing something you really want to get to know closer. And really, I still want to find out what´s the difference between a normal people and a musician like him. Mikaru-sama was completely different than I expected. He tried so carefully to come closer to me, because I am extremely shy in front of musicians and tried to hide myself behind a friend. How easy he could make me loosing my fear.
His close friend Tetsuto-sama, is such a heartwarming person. We all enjoyed very much spending time with him and Mikaru-sama.
When I meet both again at Contopia (Emotion-Report will follow as I have time) I also was getting to know Syu-sama for the first time. Do you know the saying "all good thinks are 3?"  In the case of G.L.A.M.S it is really true. Syu-sama was the last puzzle to complete this project. He is a sunshine! A little bit shy maybe, but you can see him shining on stage, like the sun on a beautiful morning. He is one of the musicians I can easily talk to, I don´t know why ♥

One day before I met Mikaru-sama and friends again, I finally, after 3 years, met my musicial father, the Master of Music, again. When Kamijo-sama announced that he will gave a concert in Paris I was happy on two ways. First, I can visit the most lovely town in Europe again. My beloved Paris, I was crying when I had to leave you in february. Second, I could see the man again, who cleaned my soul and let it grow to a beautiful flower. It´s hart to describe in words, how it feels to stand in front of him. It´s like you were 4 years old and your father was on a long journey, and after a long time he comes back, to take you in his arm and told you, that everything is fine now. And really, Kamijo-sama changed a lot. From the proud, young Prince, looking down from his castle, to a lovely man, with a warm heart, looking at us like a father on his beloved children. He stayed proud, but in another way. I love his warm and loving site, the way he looks at me. I was standing there, shy, speachless, full of fear to make a mistake in front of a man, I wish I could really be his daugther. At first it was just, because I would like to work for Sherow Artist Society, I want to work for him, be a musician in his hands, because I trust him, blind. But especially on this one day he was, even just by his music, a father like I wish I really had. If you have one biological and 2 stepfathers, you dosen´t care about genetical or social factors. Especially if after christmas you had the feeling that your biological father wants to manipulate you again, to hate your mother and your first stepfather just tries to get her back with your help. Yes, I met my best friend and what I just told her was "Is Kamijo-sama the only one who treats me like a daugther this year?". And yes, just with the help of his music and his charisma.
he gives me the emotional power I needed in the 2nd part of this year. Now I will meet him again in 2015. I am glad about seeing him again so soon, because I miss him, I need a new portion of emotional power and I just want to spend one evening more with my father, even if I cry the hole night.
At least, because of him, I could make a decision, which I don´t regret. For more than one year, my heart was just a chaos of emotions. i tried to love in a way, everyone would be okay with. Than, kamijo-sama released his first Minialbum and than his album "Heart". The music cleaned not only my soul, but my heart, too. So I exactly know now how and what I feel and what to do with it.
Sure, 82,6% of the people will disapprove this, if they would know, because this is what everyone would do. But I don´t regret anything. Call me crazy, but I made my desicion and I am happy with it.
My heart is closed now, for every man who tries to make me loving him and only one special clef can open it again.

Than, there was my only hope on earth and even if we couldn´t meet, he did a lot for me this year. I remember, that I had to work on the 29th of April this year. I didn´t wanted to, but I need the money. And on every breake I had, I was watching his tweets and blogentries and tried not to cry. The day of the last concert of Anonymous Confederate Ensemble was so unrealistic and destroying, that I just layed down on the ground of my room, after work. I had to smile the hole day, even if it was hart, so I lost all my energy at the end of this day. This was one of the most terrible days of the year.
But after that, he stayed. He was there, like nothing happened. I could read the "Nimornings" I loved so much every morning. Nimo-sama was the one this year who teached me, to give everything, but never give up. So I was happy, every single day, I could read something from him. Watching him, announcing lives and events, motivated me every day to stand up, no matter how hart it was. Next to Kamijo-sama, he is always the emotional support I needed, like the air to breath. Nimo-sama is very different from all the musicians. Even if he is the god of rain, he is also the sunshine in my life. He is, like Kamijo-sama, what I need to grow to a wonderful and strong flower. But also, i never saw a musician like him and it isn´t possible describe how it feels to listen to his voice, no matter if he is speaking or singing.
Maybe you couldn´t imagine, but I think my musicial Father (Kamijo-sama) and my big brother (Nimo-sama) are on a weird way similar to each other. Harrtworking, not to be beaten, passionate and charismatic. When he announced the release of his Album in March 2015, my heart skipped a beat, so much that I had the feeling to faint. I really needed an hour to realize it. It was one of the best christmaspresents this year. Hopefully I get the chance to give him something back in 2015.
I know he maybe doesn´t know how important he was for me this year and I know the chance, that he reads this entry is small. But I would like to thank you the most, this year, Nimo-sama. Because you teached me how to fight, you showed me what I have to do, to live a good life where I regret nothing. You are always patient, lovely and friendly when I have my fangirling moments and you give me a reason to get up every morning. This year I lost a lot and I was very close to moments, where I could loose more than I want. It was you who saved me in this moments. I don´t know how you make it, maybe it´s a little bit the fault of my own. But if it´s so, it´s just because of the music you created in 4 years and the way you go on. It´s a clef to my own emotional power, I needed to survive this year. So, Thank you very much!!!

And thank you to my friends, from the Tea-to-go-Party, to support me!!! What would I do without you in Hamburg and in Paris in February! ;^;
Thank you to my best friend Christin, that you love me, how I am since 15 years! I can´t wait to celebrate the new year with you, honey ♥
And thank you to Cathy, for this wonderful time with you in Paris and the tiem we spend for organising everything ♥
Just, thank you all, for helping me this year: Miriam, Kitty, Kevin, Tama...you ALL!!! I love you ♥

And Thank you to the persons who treated me wrong. For this experiences. You don´t know how much stronger I am now!

Lovely greetings,

Kimie

4th July: Throne

I am sorry for writing so late,
but finding words for a concert of Kamijo is just impossible.
 
At first:
how can a man, who becomes 39 years old this year look so beautiful. It´s not because of the hole make up he maybe wears on stage (it didn´t look so)...there are details in his face, in the way he moves, the way he behaves which are just beautiful.
All the little fine lines in his face. They reveal days, months and years of hard work with passion and they look so beautiful on him. His smile was warm, lovely, honest. Everytime I saw him smile my heart was begging for more.
He moved smooth, noble, with proud but not arrogant, not a second. How can a man be so proud in such a honest way?
There is just beauty on him, warm and wonderful beauty. What a difference when I remember him 3 years ago! I can´t describe him better, you have to see him and you will unerstand it. He is just a breathtaking beauty.

That he create his songs as honest as his beauty is you coudl also experience. Everything fits perfectly. But I have to speak out a little Warning:

If you are extremely sensitive, easy to influence by music and you have an open heart...you should be careful or you will become addicted to Kamijo!!!!!!

For me it´s definitely too late. He sang "Tresór" and "Grazioso" and I was the little child I am always when I think of him. In contrast to earlier he looks like a father of ALL of his fans in such moments, such songs. His calming voice is like a tender caressing on you. Do you all remember this moments? when you played in your room, or outsite and Daddy came home from work? This warm moment when he pics you up and gave you a kiss when you where a little girl, not older than 3 or 4 years? That´s how it feels for me sometimes if I met Kamijo.
Yeah, I know it is weird, but just try to remember and maybe you will understand.

But this man also has his dark sites, strong sites...his hole character is like a garden of hundreds of different roses. He is also a strong Master, a King of his own country and he reigns over his nation with a staunchness to his fans that makes you speachless. His songs, the story behind it can make you strong just by visiting this one concert.
Also he makes you feel the past better than any historylesson about the french revolution.
"Symphony of the Vampire" and all the songs he put around them gave you another feeling for what happened. In historylessons we just learn what happened and why, but no one thinks about the feelings, about the little, young Louis Charles... 
He was a child, he was innocent and just what others did destroyed this little young heart. On the concert you could see it in his eyes. Kamijo was thinking a lot about what happened. I can not explain how he made this but he was able to make history real and emotional in his own way.

I don´t wanted it but when he started with "Adagio of the full moon" I started crying. It´s because of  Kamijo himself and about what stands behind this song and what you see in the PV. Also it is because of another musician I adore and I miss him so much. So my eyes were moving between Shinya-sama and Kamijo-sama because of this reason and my feelings went up and down and I couldn´t hide my tears. I am sure this is maybe hard to understand. But if you look at all my blog entries maybe you will understand.
"Throne" pushed me up again. It felt like celebrating a king and the future which will come. I love this last part of the Symphony and I love it to sing it out loud. It fits so greate to this man. I wanted to celebrate him every single day of my life!!!

His Supports also were fantastic!! I think I have a little crush on Ikuo-sama, which is really a fascinating bassist and a really, really handsome man.
Sometimes it was hard to concentrate on Kamijo-sama if there is standing this little beauty in front auf you :)
At least I was happy to meet Shinya-sama, who was a friend of the first japanese musician I started to adore. Even if it´s hard in July to push away some painful memories, it was good to see him. And if anyone wants to tell me that this man couldn´t play drums...I swear he or she will regret to speak out this lie. Shinya-sama is a  fantastic drummer and no one fits better to Kamijo-sama as a support drummer than Shinya. Even if he seems to be very shy and a little bit shocked that so many people were celebrating him, because it was Kamijo-samas day and not Shinya-samas. I hope he isn´t worried, because he can´t do anything against the decision of his fans to show him how much they love him. If support or not, fans are loving and they show it and it is good how it is.
Before I forgot: I was smiling most of the time. Since I saw him for the first time at the concert I had to smile at him. This man is just making me smile when I see him ♥ Yes I am a child, a little girl: curious of the world, not thinking about sadness and happy about her life..just because of this one concert.


I believe that this video describes the impressive I have from him.
He changed a lot since all the time which past and now I adore him much more than before. I watched every breath he toke, every move he made, I was listening to every single Note he was singing, every word he said, just to learn from him, to become just nearly as fantastic as he is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8EU08IBKZc

With Love,


Kimie

 

4 Golden Years

My Dear Hearties, My Dearest Crew of Anonymous Confederate Ensemble,

I am not someone who can describe moments like this with just a few words, but I want to try my best to make it short for all of us. You all mean very much to me and on this 4th anniversary I want to thank you all, the band and the Fans.

4 Years are now over and because of A this years where the most wonderful in my live. I´ve never meet such a sozial, lovely and friendly fanbase. Even if we all don´t know each other we all seems to be friends. It´s like a network which goes around the world and showes that we all are one. I was visiting a lot of different concerts, but just on a concert of A I had the chance to take the hand of my friends, and to enjoy it with them together. This 21 month later I was getting to know a lot of new people and friends, just because of this one band. people which really make me believe that they aren´t false friends. Something which wasn´t really easy to see before I was getting to know the band. So thank you very much, Hearties and Friends that you are here, so that we all can believe in the good, no matter if there is light or darkness. 

But such a wonderful fanbase can´t exist without a wonderful band! 
I can´t stop remembering the day I was getting to know A. A friend of mine sent me the musicvideo of Vanilla sky and, curious like I am, I was watching it. There was a feeling of fondness by watching it and than I was falling down from the chair. My mother just looked at me and I couldn´t explain to her why I was falling down. Today I could, for sure. 
A are really a band which is different from all I was listening before. And I am sure there will be no other band which could be like this. No one else can put the hole world on music. No one else can create songs which can guide you through the whole life, like this. Even if it´s having fun with my friends or my familie, or a difficult decision I have to make. Even if something goes wrong or right, there is alsways their music. No other band could do it and at the end it seems to be so easy for A to change the life of Fans, to let them all grow up to wonderful strong human. A doesn´t just make music and give concerts, there is much more behind it. A whole world for this human who want to understand how precious the own life and the life of others is. 
Pirates are traveling around to find treasures and our pirates found it, together with us. For me personally we found the most precious treasures in the world: Love in all it´s thousands of different ways. No matter if it´s between lovers, friends, familymembers, strangers, for yourselfe, for the music or for your country or for something else.  And this treasure is it, and will it ever be, what makes us being strong and able to realize everything we want.

I am sure there is something like a red thread of destiny on the pinkie finger, which connects us to each other. I believe in it as much as I can, so noone of us will ever be alone.
Let us celebrate together this wonderful 4 golden years. I am thankful for everything the band created: for Rookie Fiddler´s creativity and his tireless use of hundreds of instruments, for Toshi´s wonderful and sophisticated bassplay, which at least reached the hearts of a lot of women and warmed it, for Mucho Gracias wonderful guitarplay, which he plays with so much passion and love and which is one of the best I was ever listening to. And I am (as a singer) thankful for Nimo´s incredible, unique voice, which filled every song with the right feelings like no other vocalist could do it, which calmed me down when I am restless and pent-up and makes me everytime standing up and continue singing.
I wish you a wonderful 4th anniversary and good luck for the next years which will follow, no matter what you all want to do.


With love

Kimie


PS: A picture from the most fantastic concert I`ve ever had ♥ Even if I am looking terrible because I was nervous as hell!!!!! ♥